The One Piece Show
by hellointernet
Summary: What if One Piece was a late night T.V. show set during modern times?
1. Introduction

_Disclaimer._

* * *

"Hey. You still up?"

"Yeah, you know I am."

"I know. Ironic that the therapist would be the one that has problems, eh?""

"Shut up. So, why are you up? Don't tell me you have insomnia too…"

"Not really. Just nightmares and I can't really sleep."

"That's insomnia. I can fix that."

"Fix yourself first. I hear the T.V. on. What are you watching?"

"Don't change the subject. It's this late night show called One Piece."

"So you've taken to watching lame shows now?"

"Shut up."

"What's it about?"

"Um… the main characters in a gang? Or a mafia thing… And they're trying to achieve their dreams? And they're going on adventures and meet new people and stuff."

"So why is it called One Piece? Is it something like how their lives all fit in like a jigsaw? You know, '_One Piece'_."

"Nah. There's this treasure thing that all the gangs and mafia are trying to get because of a legendary dude named Gol D. Roger. It's called One Piece so the show's called One Piece."

"Oh. Tell me about the characters."

"I thought it was a lame show?"

"Shut up. I'm bored."

"Yeah, yeah. So the main character's name is Monkey D. Luffy. He's a meat loving idiot and pretty simple minded."

"What does he look like?"

"Um, he wears a straw hat. Sentimental thing. He's got a boyish face and a scar under his left eye. He's wearing a sleeveless red shirt and jean shorts. They've got like, fluff as trim."

"Fluff?"

"You know what. Turn on the T.V. It's on Channel …"

"Okay, okay. Let's see."

"You see him?"

"Is he the dude talking to the blonde? He obviously likes meat. And he's got a straw hat."

"Yeah, that's him."

"Oh. He's young, isn't he?"

"Yeah, I think he's 17. Or maybe 18."

"Youngsters these days."

"Mmm."

"So who's the blondie? What's up with his eyebrow?"

"Oh that's Sanji. He's the cook. He over curled his eyebrows. "

"Huh?"

"Well, he's in the gang too. The Straw Hat gang."

"Straw Hat?"

"Yeah, 'cause Luffy's the leader and he wears a straw hat?"

"Yeah, that makes sense. So why would they need a cook?"

"Have you seen the way Luffy eats? Look at the screen properly!"

"Yeah. That's… actually amazing… How is he fitting all those meat? And why is he not choking?"

"Dunno. You're the nurse, not me. Sanji's the personal chef."

"That makes sense. And don't bring my job into this. Who's the … green hair…?"

"That's Zoro. The green hair's natural. He's in the gang too. He's the bodyguard? I don't really know. The first gang-mate though."

"Why do I feel like there's sexual tension between the blonde and the green head?"

"There is no sexual tension between them!"

"Look at them! They're arguing to relive it!"

"That's called an argument!"

"You may be the people magic worker but I worked in a bar before. I've seen different types of people; cheating CEOs, divorced drunk drivers, little freshies barely out of college. I know all the different kinds of tensions when I see it. This! This is sexual tension, trust me."

"It is not! You're just reading too much into things."

"Tch. Wanna bet? Who's the redhead?"

"That's Nami. She controls the finance o the gang. Greedy little bitch."

"Finance?"

"Well, they've got to have some funds, even if it's just for parties."

"Oh. Why the hell is the old man with the afro coming over?"

"Because he's Brook and he's part of the gang. The musician to be exact."

"Musician? What's up with the yohohohos? And the skull jokes. Is he a doctor too?"

"Luffy likes music. Yohohohos and skull jokes are what makes Brook special! And Chopper's the doctor."

"Hey, where're they going?"

"To Franky's workshop. They're meeting there with the rest."

* * *

"Why does she look so shady?"

"She's an archaeologist and historian! She's not shady."

"She's totally shady! Look at the way she's sitting in the corner, smiling! It's like she's planning for murder or something."

"Well, she's in a gang. She's allowed to be shady."

"Totally shady. Who's the flamboyant blue haired muscle head?"

"Franky. He's a mechanic. He takes care of the transportation."

"Transportation?"

"The gang likes to travel around."

"Bushy haired kid?"

"Usopp. He's just part of the gang. He's more of an inventor and storyteller."

"Why's his nose so long?"

"Genetic trait."

"You sure he's not making up for something else?"

*Cough* "You made me choke on my water! That was just really mean."

"But it's probably true. Anyways who's the kid?"

"He's not a kid!"

"Sorry, I meant midget."

"I'll have you know Chopper's in college already. In the medical department to boot. And he's just 17."

"You know, all I got from that was the kid's a 17 year old medical nerd _and_ he's short for his age."

"He's got a condition!"

'What? Napoleon Syndrome? Either way, he's short."

"You know, I don't think I like the sleep deprived you."

"Whatever. So there's… nine people in the group?"

"Yeah."

"Seems… interesting."

"You know, that tone just means that you think it's lame. Give it a try."

"Yeah, yeah. Nothing else to do anyways."

"I'm kinda tired. I think I'll go to bed."

"Yeah. "

* * *

"Wait. What?"

"I already told you!"

"The dude's her drug dealing ex-boyfriend? _Robin's_?"

"Yes!"

"She's shady but…but…I thought she would have more taste than that! He's got a fur coat and a hook! Why did she find that attractive?!"

"Maybe she likes a mystery?"

"What's mysterious about a guy with a cigar and a hook? And his name!"

"Well, maybe she goes for the mafia looking type… It's not like _you_ haven't dated douche bags before."

"True…"

"Anyway, the douche bag was why Robin met Luffy and joined the gang."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She broke up with him, tried to get out of the business except he kept threatening her and she got dragged along."

"Asshole."

"And Luffy got up in the whole big debacle of Crocodile and a young heiress named Vivi. He was going to take over their family business and get the money. Vivi got help from Luffy after they tried o con the team."

"Wait, Vivi? The sweet little blue haired Vivi? By the way, what's up with all these weird hair colors? I mean, Zoro's is _green._"

"That's just the way it is. But yeah, Vivi was in the drug ring, trying to infiltrate the ring. They met Luffy after trying to con them and after an assassination attempt on Vivi from the ring, Luffy decided to help."

"I think the guy's got too good of a heart. Who helps someone who tried to con them?"

"You know what, you're going to come over for the weekend and we'll watch the show from the start."

"But I have – "

"No arguments. I'm not going to explain every character over and over again. And don't deny it. I know you want to watch it."

"You know me too well. Fine, I'll give up sleeping in to watch it."

* * *

_Long Note: _

_I know this is kind of sucky but I just really wanted to write it. I had this idea for quite some time and yay! I finally get to write it because my Straw Hat finally got Brook on the crew. I'm actually at Sabaody Archipelago since the story took some time. _

_Plot:_

_Basically, One Piece's a late night T.V show with two people watching it. It will be told through the comments of two people. Unless I want to change it for a chapter._

_Note that the two people are very half-assed-ly made. They don't even have names. They might be Jennifer and Penelope one dya and Lola and Helen another. They might even change gender, depending on what I feel like writing. You guys can give me names and I'll probably just use them._

_The crew is now a gang. It's something like mafia but not really; on a smaller scale, maybe. I actually don't have much of an idea with this one. They're still on the wrong side of the law, I suppose. _

_I'm probably going to follow the story line of One Piece. The scenarios are obviously going to be a tad different. I'll be adding a few things, taking out others. The chapters might be random since I could forget one thing and add it later. _

_Pairings: _

_As you can see, I had CrocRo (is that the name?) and insinuated ZoSan, but it's all going to change. I'm going to add random relationships (parental, lovers etc). You guys can give me pairings you want to see in this, if you want. I don't care if it's really weird or unheard of like... Coby and Paula (Miss Doublefinger). Or a family one like Boa Hancock being the half sister of Lola (the pirate at Thriller Bark) because their mother slept with... the old man from the island full of sheep (not quite sure how the genes work in this one 'cause everyone else and Boa...)? I don't know. _

_Scenarios: _

_I'm hoping the relationships and everything will become more complicated (just because I like complicated stuff. I love family trees and trying to figure out who's who's cousin and who married who.) You guys can suggest me ridiculous scenarios like... Chimney turning into a man who looks like young Tom and Kokoro-san falling in love with him/her all the while Gonbe is being terrorized by a giant tarantula and Iceburg can't come help because he's trapped in court after falling in love with a very very beautiful Yagara and a disgruntle owner sued him. Something. _

_Characters:_

_I'm not going to know all of the characters as I haven't watched everything. I do know all the characters up to Sabaody Archipelago and some others like Boa Hancock mentioned above as I've read fanfictions. If I don't know the character in the scenario/relationship, I'll keep it on hold. _

_I hoped you enjoyed the intro and will keep reading. I won't blame you if you don't because it's all over the place. This is my first time trying out the whole comment showing plot thing and adding humor. I hope I did okay. _


	2. Catamites, Jailbreak and Zoro's Job

"He's totally her catamite."

"Coby's not a catamite!"

"Oh please. Who'd do someone who looks like _that_? He's totally her catamite. He even said so!"

"No, he didn't!"

"Yes, he did! He obviously said he _worked _for her. What work can he do? He's a bumbling clumsy fool. He's obviously pleasing her."

"You think the sickest things, ever. He's the cabin boy!"

"Exactly. _Cabin_ boy. As in he's _in_ the _cabin_… doing things."

"That is just so wrong on many levels that I'm not even going to argue."

"I win."

"Dear God, please help me. I don't know why I introduced you to the show. You're totally ruining it!"

* * *

"Why the hell is he in jail? And why would he attack a _tiger_? That's just stupid."

"The tiger was going to attack a little girl! Was he supposed to stand still and let her die?"

"No, but…"

"See! He had to save her! Plus how was he supposed to know that he would've accidentally stabbed the tiger!"

"Well, he should've thought of the consequences before getting chased by the police and jailed."

"Zoro's a do first, think later kind of guy."

"So is Luffy, I guess. He's helping break out a stranger!"

"Zoro's not a stranger. They talked. Once."

"Yeah. When Luffy visited the prison because of Coby. Can't believe the catamite wanted to be a police officer. And _Luffy's_ helping."

"What's wrong with Luffy helping?"

"Nothing, but he's going to be on the wrong side of the law. Why would he want another police officer to be made?"

"It's all about following dreams, Adrianne. It's all about dreams."

"…I still can't believe Luffy's helping Zoro with jailbreak."

"Can you can it? People can be nice!"

"Breaking someone out of jail isn't really nice. Well, to society. How does he not know if Zoro's a mass child murderer or a rapist? He could be running a drug ring for all we know!"

"He's in jail because of a misunderstanding! The tiger's even fine! How is he in jail for running a drug ring?"

"You never know. Did you think Robin was dating Crocodile? No!"

"You're still high-strung about _that_? I should've never explained it to you. You don't even know the whole story!"

"I know enough to know that apparently Robin goes for fur coat wearing dickheads!"

"I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to go on about that."

* * *

"Look! They just stabbed the police officer!"

"They just slashed him, not stabbed. I don't think it's even fatal. You're the nurse, you should know these things!"

"They just _slashed_ him. I mean, yeah. He was a total jerk face but isn't that kind of rash?"

"They're supposed to be on the wrong side of the law. I think a little slashing is allowed."

"Oh, is that your excuse for everything? 'They're on the wrong side of the law! They can run around naked massacring everyone in sight because they don't following the fucking rules!' Is that your reasoning?"

"Sometimes I don't know why I talk to you about this. Your imagination is so… never mind. And they're _not_ going to run around naked massacring people. Jeez. They just fight when they need to."

"Like every other day? Because Luffy needs to save everybody?"

"He doesn't need to save _everybody_. It's just that he wants to help his friends."

"He's a freaking social butterfly. Half the world is 'friend'."

"Well, he's just a nice guy with more empathy than _you_."

"Oh yeah. Just reason everything that everyone has more empathy more than me."

"Sometimes I wonder why you chose to be a nurse. You'll probably leave a patient to die because he's a stranger."

"I would not! I'm just reasoning with the show!"

"Compassion is important. I can help your empathic issues."

"No thanks, you just want money."

"I'll give you a discount."

"Still no."

* * *

"No way. He can't be working like _that_."

"What's wrong with his job? He can work like that _and_ he gets money. He's in university. I think he can handle that job."

"Yeah but… that job? I mean come on! He has them following him everywhere! How does he deal with it?"

"They don't follow him everywhere."

"They're like his subordinates. They're practically waiting on him hand and foot."

"They don't do that!"

"They're his minions! They're just waiting to please him!"

"They are not! They just look up to him a lot!"

"Pfft. Yeah right, if he tells them to go on working until they die, they would gladly do it."

"They would not! They would have some sense to take a break every few days…"

"But they would've trained to fulfill his requirements!"

"They look up to him! Of course they want to please him!"

"Minions."

"He's a role model!"

"They're just a bunch of mindless minions."

"Gah! What's wrong with kids wanting to please their teacher?"

"Nothing. Just that they look like little minions when doing it."

"Do you have some grudge against kids or something? Zoro works part-time as a kendo teacher in the dojo. Kids like him and he's good with kids! What's wrong with that?"

"I just don't see Zoro to be good with kids. He's obviously bribing them or something. Ther's no way kids would act like this around a grumpy green-haired man."

"He's just good with kids!"

* * *

_The meeting of Coby and Zoro! And because I'm obsessed with the word 'catamite'. I don't know why._

_Hope you liked it!_


	3. Nami, Clowns, Cabaji and ZoSan

"Is she a kleptomaniac?"

"No. She doesn't have kleptomania. She needs to steal."

"How much more does she need to steal? She's already got a bunch of jewelry and wallets. Now she's going after the business man?"

"She needs the money!"

"Look at her hands! They dart out like little… something that darts out. Little fish darting around in their tank?"

"That was the worst analogy in the history of analogies. Besides, it's because she's good at pick pocketing. Obviously."

"Oh yes, it's because she's great at pick pocketing. Not because she's an impulsive little thief, possibly with ADHD hands."

"Gah! She's got money problems okay? Her family's in debt and she needs the money to pay up, okay?"

"And do pray tell what these money problems are. Paying off the things she stole?"

"Would you stop it with that? She's paying back the Arlong company because of a debt!"

"Arlong. Sounds like a fish… May I have a sandwich with Arlong fish? Please make sure you don't use any mayonnaise."

"…Arlong's a fearsome guy. He's not going to be in a sandwich."

"Oh, he could totally be in a different kind of sandwich, if you know what I mean."

"How is it that you make everything sound perverted?"

"It's a talent."

* * *

"I have no idea what's going on here."

"Well, I think Zoro's losing. Cabaji just got in a point with the hit."

"What's with this weird ass practice? I mean, aren't they supposed to be fighting in one style? Zoro's got _three_ swords! And the other guy's popping in a unicycle. Like what the hell?"

"Red Line University's pretty free with its teachings."

"That doesn't explain the unicycle or the three swords."

"That's their style. Cabaji fights like he's in the circus okay? And Zoro's awesome with three swords. They have free reign of their fighting styles in the kendo club."

"Exactly! It's called the _kendo _club. I don't know much but this sure as hell isn't kendo!"

"Why can't you just go with the flow?"

"That'll be just too easy. You gotta question life sometimes."

* * *

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU CLOWNS WERE EVIL!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down. You don't have to yell."

"Look, look! He just kidnapped a teenager!"

"Yes, yes. I can see that."

"Who's Luffy! And he's a _minor_."

"I know that! Stop pointing out obviously stuff!"

"Whatever. I was right all along. Clowns are evil and they kidnap minors by bribing them with meat."

"They don't all kidnap teenagers…"

"And their big red noses are used to intimidate them into silence – "

"Oh for God's sake! Would you stop – "

"- while the markings on their face are used in tribal rituals."

"- using your childhood fear of clowns to vilify Buggy?!"

"No. His name even sounds weird! Who the hell names their kid 'Buggy'?"

"Oh, because all of the characters all got normal names like 'John' or 'Sam'. Buggy just kidnapped Luffy because of a misunderstanding with Nami."

"I knew that bitch would get in the way."

"She's not all that bad."

"Yeah? Why is she pointing a gun at Luffy then?"

"To prove her loyalty to the Buggy Crew and get the map."

* * *

"Holy shit. Is that Long-haired-one-half-of-face-covering-circus-fighting-style guy?"

"Who?"

"The one that Zoro fought earlier! In the so called kendo club."

"Oh. Cabaji!"

"Yeah. Calbees. He's in Buggy's gang?"

"You know, your observant skills astound me. Yes. And it's Cabaji!"

"That actually kind of makes sense. Considering that Calbees does his whole circus act and you know, clowns are totally evil."

"That makes no sense."

* * *

"How the hell did they get a lion?! Actually I should've questioned this a long time ago: Why the hell are they suddenly in a circus tent?!"

"Well, duh. The circus's in town. That's why. And circuses always have lion taming acts."

"Sorry for not know the usual freak show acts."

"You are terribly mean at times."

* * *

"Okay, I take back what I said about her being a bitch. She's okay."

"I knew she'll win over you in the end."

"Whatever. I still think she loves money way too much."

"That used to be you in high school. You would charge everyone for tutoring services."

"It's fair!"

"Even when you're helping out one math problem for your friend or boyfriend?"

"I have a very just system of fairness."

* * *

"You know what I hate about this episode?"

"Oh God. Here she goes again."

"Zoro and Cabaji can't happen! Because they're all in opposing gangs and no way in hell Zoro's going to betray his captain like that."

"Woah! What the fuck?! You shipped Zoro and Cabaji?!"

"Yes. Slightly. Who doesn't want to imagine two hot sweaty swordsmen making out in the changing room?"

"Oh my God! I cannot believe you! You ship everything that has a heartbeat! First ZoSan and now this?!"

"ZoSan? You mean Zoro and San… blondie?"

"Sanji."

"Yes him. There's a pairing name for them?!"

"Why do you sound like its Christmas? No, wait. You pretty much hate Christmas."

"There's an actual pairing name for them?!"

"Well… yes? Some people like it."

"Oh my God yes! I'm so going to win this bet!"

"You don't even know if it's going to happen! It's all fangirls in the fanbase."

"Whatever you say. Prepare to hand over your twenty bucks."

* * *

_The line 'You ship everything with a heartbeat' was from somewhere. I'm not sure where but somewhere on the internet. I just like picking on Zoro too much. He's probably going to be paired up or mentioned of pairing up with multiple characters. Maybe I'll do Nami too. I don't know. _

_Have I told you how much I love these linebreaks? They just make everything so neat. _

_Also, I wanted to tell you that I'm working by memory so they're not going to be as accurate and detailed since I'm just remembering the most important parts. I don't quite remember why Buggy got Luffy in a cage..._

_AND, although I kept using the characters, I still haven't actually named them yet. _


	4. Kaya's Innocence and Luffy the America

"There is no way Kaya's innocent."

"Why the hell not?! Why do you turn against every little thing in the show?"

"Come on! Look at the facts! She's been stuck in the house with that sheep-like caretaker and a badass looking butler and Usopp who's the remotely good looking and visits once in a while. Who do you think she'll pick?"

"Um, Usopp?"

"Wrong! She'll obviously pick Kuro!"

"He's the bad guy! Why the hell would she pick some old guy? Even if he's better looking than the rest. Looks aren't everything, you know."

"Look at the world around you. There's so many high school girls who's in relationships with older men. It's practically the trend, never mind that it's sort of against the law and illegal."

"She's an innocent young girl! She'll pick someone like Usopp. Look at how much she adores his stories! She loves the raconteur!"

"Fairy tales aren't always true. Have you forgotten what we found out? Sleeping Beauty was originally raped and left with kids and Snow White was going to be raped before the apple fell out. Who's to say the little innocent Kaya isn't having an affair with the Kuro behind Merry's sheep-y back?"

"You are impossible! Kaya is in love with Usopp and vice versa! Why can't you just young love happen?"

"Love doesn't really work that way."

"Who's the people person? Oh me! And I say that love CAN work that way."

"That was very unprofessional of you."

"Shut the hell up, you fairy tale ruining bitch."

* * *

"_Someone's _naïve. Who'd believe those outrageous stories?"

"They're kids. They're not going to doubt everything. Kids like to believe in fantasies."

"Idiots, that's what they are."

"Would you stop? If my memory serves me correctly, _you're_ the one who believed that chocolate milk came from chocolate cows and strawberry milk came from strawberry cows."

"Well, your memory does _not_ serve you correctly because I never believed that."

"Liar."

"Whatever. Someone should tell the kids to doubt the fool down the street."

"Usopp is not a fool."

"Fine, coward then."

*Sigh* "I'm not even going to try."

* * *

"Gah! Why the fuck is _Luffy_ getting involved with everything?! He barely even knows this Usopp dude!"

"Because he has a caring heart, unlike you, you failure of a human."

"I'm working as a nurse. I'm saving lives. I think I'm pretty successful."

"I meant empathically. You failed humanity class in middle school."

"I still have no idea why we had that class. Anyway, my point is that Luffy's getting too involved with strangers' conflicts."

"I think it's fine."

"You would, you nosy therapist. But seriously, Luffy's acting like America, butting into every little conflict that doesn't even concern him."

"Did you just call Luffy a _country_? _America_?"

"He butts into people's problems like America always does. The government of America stations their troops in other people's countries and takes over the situation. Luffy pretty much does the same thing."

"You make the worst analogies ever."

* * *

"This would've been so much more dramatic if Kaya and Kuro were secret lovers."

"Would you stop with that?!"

"I'm just saying. Would've been more dramatic. A frail, secluded high school girl takes the betray hard and I guess she rebounds to Usopp, if you like that pair."

"She's ALREADY in love with Usopp! She doesn't need to rebound off Kuro."

"Wants and needs are two different things, honey."

"Gah! That doesn't even connect to the story here!"

"Yes, yes it does. Now hush. I'm trying to watch this heart-racing fight for the girl."

"For the last time, they are NOT fighting for the girl! Kuro wants the inheritance of Kaya's family and Usopp wants to save her!"

"Does Kuro even realize that he could just charm the girl and marry into the family? Instead of going off into the butler fiasco?"

"You know, I'm starting to think your head's empty. You don't even listen to what I'm saying!"

* * *

"You know who Jango reminds me of? Count Olaf."

"Who?"

"Count Olaf from the Unfortunate Events Series. By Lemony Snicket?"

"OH! Count Eye-on-the-ankle."

"Of course you'd remember him like that. Of course."

"But why Jango? Count Eye can't hypnotize people."

"Olaf. And you're right for once. I meant in the hypnotist from some book in the series."

"Then it's not Count Eye. You're wrong."

"God. I just meant the series and he just popped up in my mind, ok? Don't make a big deal out of a little mistake."

"You made a mistake."

"Stop sing-songing it like that."

"Is that even a word?"

…

"You know, hypnotizing isn't really a great power. I mean, you can't actually people to do things unless they don't want to. They at least need to have some thought of wanting to do it before the hypnotist suggests the action. Then they'll do it. Otherwise, they're just blank."

"That's the most medical thing I've heard from you in weeks, since we've started watching this."

"God, don't make me feel like a nerd."

"Who's the one spouting information about the brain?"

"…touché."

* * *

"I never got how some fat people can move so fast. I mean, the skinny guy's understandable but the fat one? And why are they in cow costumes? What the hell?! Where's the logic?"

"It's a show! Anything can happen."

"Of course. Robin and Crocodile makes sense then."

"I'm really hating how I told you about it. You never let anything go, do you?"

"I have a great memory and a greater grudge."

"Holding grudges is bad for your health, you know. "

"Shut up… I think those two have bovine fever."

"Do you even know what that is?! You're a nurse. You should know."

"I do. I'm really just saying that because it's bovine and they're in cow suits. Get it?"

"Yes. Is that even a joke?"

"Eh. Maybe."

* * *

_I don't really know. I'm trying my best to remember but then I'm taking in new info from all the new episodes I'm watching. Plus I have a lot of projects coming up so updates will be quite slow. And this isn't really my priority. I'm working more on my other Durarara! story since I have the plot planned out. I feel like my chapters for my DRRR! story is getting longer while this is getting shorter. _

_Oh! And for last chapter, it's Red Line University because you know, they cross the Red Line to go to the New World and you go to university and then bam! adult world. So yeah. And it's going to be Grand Line High School because Grand Line and high school is tough and gets you prepared for the Red Line/adult world. Just thought I'll explain my train of thought, though you guys might have it figured out. Maybe I read too much into things. _

_I hope you like the chapter. Hoping to get more ideas and interpretations and memories of the whole thing. Thanks for reading!_


	5. Pedophilic Mustaches and Princess Sanji

"The cowards joins the crew. The coward joins the crew. Eh-oh-e-eh-e-oh-o. The coward joins the crew."

"Would you stop singing that? Usopp isn't so bad!"

"Yeah, and Luffy's not a meat loving America."

"I'm serious! Give him a chance! You say how he handled the situation back then right?"

"Um yes. By hiding behind some buildings!"

"He was building up his courage! Besides, I know that you'd run or surrender at the first sight of a gun."

"Hey, my life comes first."

"If that's the train of thought you're having right now, obviously the message of the show hasn't been getting through."

"Oh, believe me. It's gone through. Be selfless, protect the ones you love yadada yadada. I'm just a heartless bitch and ignore those messages."

* * *

I'm surprised but not really surprised. Who knew Zoro had a harem?"

"You! You just! Johnny and Yosaku are both perfectly respectful people who are NOT in Zoro's harem. And Zoro does not _have_ a harem."

"Yeah. Respectful. They're totally in his harem. They're calling him master and all."

"'Big brother' is a term of respect in Asian countries. You should know. You studied Mandarin before."

"I still say they're in Zoro's harem. Who wouldn't want to be? I mean damn! Look at those abs."

"Looks aren't everything, Vanessa."

* * *

"What's up with his mustache? I mean, I've heard of braided _beards_ but not braided mustaches."

"Well, it's his mustache. He can do what he wants it."

"Whoever thought of braiding a mustache?"

…

"Oh my god! What if… he was a pedophile?"

"How the hell did you go from braided mustaches to pedophiles?! I may be the psychologist but I don't understand your brain at all!"

"It's scientifically proven that mustaches make you look more of a pedo. If he grew a beard, it might've made him look badass."

"…how do you know? Maybe there's people who look great with mustaches."

"Hitler had a mustache. _He_ looked like a pedo."

"…I'm just going to ignore the fact that you just called _Hitler_ a pedo."

"Hey, he could totally be doing stuff with little boys and girls behind the doors. And I don't just mean training them or sending them to concentration camps."

"That was just… horrid. Absolutely horrible. You come with the worst thoughts. And Zeff is not going to 'do stuff' with Sanji. He's taking care of him!"

"Yeah. Taking care of him."

"He's teaching Sanji how to cook!"

"Whatever you say. You just want to look at the good side of people. I'll just have you know that _anyone_ can be evil."

"URGH!"

* * *

"You know what his hair reminds me of? That girl from The Ring."

"What the hell?"

"I'm just saying. It's covering half of his face and hers was also doing that. Or maybe it was The Grudge."

"It's The Ring. I can't believe this. Most people would comment about how soft-looking and smooth his hair is. But nooo, you just had to compare it to the girl from The Ring."

"Well good thing I'm not most people and you have me for a best friend."

…

"How does he not burn his hair off? I mean, there's a fricking lighter right in front of him and he can barely see through!"

"Sanji's special that way. It's one of his special skills."

"His special skills. What skills? Pleasing a certain _someone_ in bed?"

"You know, you just paired a whole bunch of people with other people while watching. I'm not ever sure whether you meant Zoro or Zeff with that one."

"Does it matter? Their names both start with 'Z'."

"That doesn't even make sense."

…

"You know what Sanji's hair reminds me of? The hairstyle you had back then in high school. Freshman year?"

"I thought we agreed not to mention that."

"I'm just saying! You were practically blind from the right side!"

"Keep talking and I _will_ deck you so hard that you'll be shitting teeth."

"You always say that. You never do."

"You should know that I took karate back when I was young."

"Bullshit. You took ballet."

"And that, my dear Watson, is where you're wrong. I took tap-dancing. Kimberly took ballet."

"That explains why you hate yoga. You can't stretch."

* * *

"What the fuck did I just witness?"

"A selfless young man giving food to a starving man? You know, something you wouldn't usually do."

"Sanji's too trusting."

"It's just because he knows what it's like to starve!"

"I don't get it."

"It's… it's like when you almost drown and later, you see someone drowning. Then you'd be more likely to save that person because you don't want other people to suffer the same fate."

"Uh- no. I'd probably develop hydrophobia after I almost drown, never learn how to swim and be more likely to call for help."

"Okay bad example. But use your brain and you'll get the point."

"Whatever. All I see is someone who's going to give out free food once he makes his own restaurant."

* * *

"SEE! See my point! That's what you get for trusting a bedraggled, starving, probably a hobo guy! You should know that once you give something for a beggar, they will not only come back to you for more but they'll come back with a horde of beggars!"

"Hey! Don't talk about Gin that way! He's a genuine nice guy!

"I don't see it. All I see is some douche taking a horde of starving zombies back to the restaurant for free food… And might I add that this horde of starving zombies is the one of the most famous gang that owns the area?"

"Well, didn't you hear that conversation? Gin didn't want to take Don Krieg back but he was forced to."

"That wouldn't happen if he didn't tell Don about the free food for starving hobos restaurant run by a pedophile with a braided mustache!"

"You're still going about the mustache?!"

"Yes. And you still didn't answer my question on how Gin is a good guy."

"You're not worthy of my answer."

"I win."

"No, you just don't listen to what I say so why bother?"

"Because I'm always right."

"No, you're not."

* * *

"Ha! I WAS right! Gin is a bloody bad guy! Look! Look at him trying to kill Sanji!"

"You sound w_ay_ too happy for someone watching a show where a main character is about to get killed. _Sanji_ is about to be killed! You should sound a bit more worried! Not happy! What about your whole ZoSan thing? What's going to happen to that if Sanji dies."

"Oh it'll be fine. Zoro will find another one. I think a Zoro and Luffy relationship is sort of cute. But the main point is that I was right. Gin is a bad guy, not a starving good guy like you said! So suck on that!"

"You can't just dump one guy and pair Zoro up with another at your convenience! That's just… immoral! I'm just starting to realize how you went through one guy after another in high school. Gin is a good guy! He doesn't want to kill Sanji!"

"What can I say? In high school, you just gotta try them all. And yeah. Gin is _totally _a good guy. Look at how nice he is with that huge mace ball of his, smashing up the floorboards. Very, very nice."

"You did NOT just ruin the Pokemon quote. I can't believe you! That was sacred! God. Get away from me. I don't want to get your quote-ruining-sarcasm near me."

"I don't have any space. YOU move."

"Oh God, oh God. I can just feel the sarcasm touching me. The next thing I know, I'm going to butcher an awesome quote by altering to mean different things. Doctor help!"

"I'm a nurse and I'm sitting right here. You don't need a doctor."

"I don't need this shitty nurse. I need a hot doctor."

* * *

"Gah! Luffy the America showed up again! He's getting involved in _everything_. This show is definitely made by an American. A politic loving American."

"Actually it's directed by a Japanese."

"Holy shit. WHAT?! Seriously?!"

"Yeah."

"Then I think he's trying to be too much of an American then."

"He actually said he wants to bring some of his culture into America by the show in an interview. So, no."

"…I am amazed by the irony of this."

* * *

"Ooh. Who's Mr. Tall-Dark-Handsome-Fedora-Wearing-Carrying-a-Huge-Ass-Sword?"

"You always make the names unnecessarily long. If you shut up for a minute, you'd know who he is."

…

"Mihawk. Dracule Mihawk. I saw a different name going through in my mind."

"What? Mr. Tall-Dark-Handsome-Fedora-Wearing-Carrying-a-Huge-Ass-Sword?"

"It sort of suits him."

"Oh, hell no!"

"I meant Dracule Mihawk! Not Mr. Tall-Dark-Handsome-Fedora-Wearing-Carrying-a-Huge-Ass-Sword."

"Oh. Then yeah. Sounds so gothic and dark, I suppose."

"Suits a bad boy like him perfectly."

"Bad boy? He hasn't even done anything except come onto the scene."

"Just wait for it. He'll do something dark and badass."

* * *

"YES! He's Mr. Bad-Boy!"

"Not really. He works for the government so that actually makes him a good guy, if you're following reality's rules."

"He made a deal with the government so that he has more power in the city. He doesn't actually work for the government. Two different things."

"Yeah. Totally two different things. Difference by a millimeter! You're basically making a deal if you agreed to work for the government. Which is exactly what Mihawk did!"

"Whatever. He's totally badass. Look at his sword and fedora! No one who works for the government is badass so therefore, he does not work for the government."

"Your logic is just so fucking messed up sometimes."

* * *

"Holy shit. What the fuck is happening here?"

"Oh you're back. Zoro and Mihawk are fighting."

"They're fighting?! Why?! Oh crap! Are they fighting over Sanji? Wait what am I saying?! Of course they are! Guys like them always fight over pretty boys."

"I think you're so far into the yaoi fandom. You're not even considering pairing them up with girls."

"Hush. I'm trying to watch the battle."

* * *

"NO! Damn it! Mihawk's going to get Princess Sanji! Oh my god. What if this is the part where Zoro has to save Sanji like a knight in shining armor?"

"You are so distracted. Sanji's fighting with Gin and Pearl over there."

"You know, I don't get how someone can name their kid Pearl."

"He wears a huge ass shield over his body and bursts out into flames and you question his name."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Maybe they wanted a girl."

"You studied what goes on in people's mind and this is your answer? I'm disappointed in you. Your parents would too."

"Don't bring my parents into this."

* * *

"Nami, that backstabbing bitch! I told you that we couldn't trust her!"

"Calm your tits. You're not even in the show. Why are you so worked up?"

"She just loved money too much. She could easily bribed into turning any one of them to the police but _noooo_. Luffy just had to trust her."

"It'll work out somehow. I think."

"Luffy's too trusting. Didn't he learn the lesson of not trusting strangers from his mother? I mean, trust is a huge issue! You don't just blindly hand out trust. Especially to cat burglars!"

"Well, to be fair, they're building a gang of misfits. Zoro's been in jail. Usopp's been in trouble with the police numerous times because of his lies, Sanji's grown up with rough man-handling cooks. Trusting Nami shouldn't be so hard."

"Oh, so you're on her side? You're the one who should be lecturing about giving blind trust. I mean, you probably deal with heartbroken people everyday!"

"It'll work out! Luffy's got the instincts."

"Nami better be good. Or else I'll personally find her and kick her ass."

"It's all the director's doing, Nessa, director's doing. Calm down."

* * *

"You know what looks really good to me right now."

"Ugh. Don't tell me. Zoro's paired up with whom this time? Usopp?"

"Um, no. That pie right there. In the middle of the table?"

"The apple pie?"

"Yeah. I'm craving an apple pie right now."

"Is that your subtle way of saying go make me an apple pie?"

"Maybe. Blame the show."

"Fine, fine. I'll go make you one."

"Thanks. You make the best apple pies."

* * *

_AND I'm just whipping shit up. I don't know if half of this even makes sense and is funny. Or maybe I'm just finding it funny in my own little world. _

_Usopp's song is in Old McDonald Had A Farm tune._

_I almost forgot about Johnny and Yosaku but remembered and did a last minute adding. Also, I have nothing against Hitler and Germany. I mean, Hitler was a human just like us, not a devil's messenger or something. Sure he did a hell lot of bad things but he believed that they were right and it's his beliefs. And I do sort of think that people should kind of let Hitler/Germany thing go but then again, with it, you can have a thing to sort of joke about when talking about Germany. At least with your friends. Sorry if anyone's from Germany and reading this. _

_I personally think Zeff's awesome. The mustache thing sort of popped up in my mind and ta-da! Zeff's a pedophile. _

_I'm pairing Zoro with too many people. But then Zoro's my favorite character so yeah._

_I hope I'm not being sort of racist with the America stuff. _

_Oh! And a pie is mentioned because it's March 14th, Pi Day! (at least it is here. Not yet in America) Yay! (I'm not a math freak and I frankly suck at math but just thought it was something special to add)_

_And I think that's all I wanted to talk about. Thanks for reading!_


	6. Food and Sexually Harassing Bodyguards

"Goddamn it! She's with the fish guy?!"

"She's not _with_ the fish guy. She's working for him because of her family debt."

"Working can be done in many other ways. Who wouldn't go for a rack like that?"

"Nami would never work like that for Arlong. She doesn't even want to join the company."

"And the tattoo the gives proof that she's part of the company?"

"Forced to get it. It was part of the contract. Written in very fine print at the bottom most. You can't really blame her. She joined when she was 10."

"This is why I hate business deals. Too damn confusing and you gotta check for every little thing. And working with a 10 year old kid… that's child labor. Why is no one reporting this? Arlong can get arrested for that."

"Well, obviously no one except Nami wants Arlong gone. They're obviously happy with the way they're living."

"By cheating people out of their money and drawing fake contracts? And also threatening and bribing people so that they win cases in court?"

"It gets them a lot of money though. People like money. You yourself should know."

"Arlong's a huge dickhead. A CEO dickhead. You make a company so that you can serve the people! Not cheat them out of their goods."

"…you know what's scaring me right now?"

"What? The fact that child labor is still going right now? Or that the show gives a great example of corrupted corporations?"

"No. You're being… reasonable. And actually caring about the real stuff, instead of whether or not so and so is sleeping with the other."

"I can be reasonable and care about stuff."

"…did you get drunk? Or are you ill?"

"…I am going to ignore the fact that you can't believe me caring about child labor and corrupted corporations."

"… So did you ?"

"Maybe a smidge of the wine you had in your fridge."

"This makes so much more sense now."

* * *

"Again with the weird hair color! Who has blue hair?! Actually who has children with blue and orange hair?!"

"They're adopted. Which you'd find out if you just kept quiet and watched this in silence."

…

"Oh come on! Her mom had PINK hair?"

"Out of all the things, you picked out the pink hair. You couldn't bother commenting on how selfless and loving Bellemere was, or how family was so important to her that it was worth dying for. You couldn't even mention that she was in the navy, which is a pretty great feat for a woman. No. You _had_ to pick the pink hair."

"What can I say? She had great hair. It's really too bad that she's dead."

"You really should pick up on the important facts."

"But it's true! I bet she would've made a great mom."

"Gah! That's – wait, mom? Thank God. I thought you were going to say something like 'she makes a great couple with the old pinwheel guy'."

"Gross! That guy's like double her age."

"You paired up Kuro and Kaya! And Cabaji and Zoro. How was I supposed to know?"

"Touché."

* * *

"Octopus balls?"

"Stop giggling like a 13 year old who just learned about sex. It's called takoyaki."

"My question is, how the hell did a takoyaki seller join the corps?"

"He rose up the ranks. He's a bodyguard right now."

…

"Is the other guy also a bodyguard?"

"Which one? Well, doesn't matter 'cause they're all Arlong's bodyguards."

"Even the cross-dressing sexually harassing people with kisses man?"

"You mean Chu?"

"What's with his name? Chu. Like a kiss?"

"That's his main attack. Kissing people to death."

"What the fuck?! Really? How is he employed? Actually how did he meet Arlong. Probably tried to kiss the man to death."

"I can't believe you fell for that one! Not really. He does more of this spitball thing."

"Poisonous darts?"

"No. Spitball things."

"You make no sense."

"Says you."

* * *

"Who's this other guy? The Chinese buns one."

"Chinese Buns? He's a warrior! A bodyguard! Kuroobi, by the way."

"Hey, I haven't seen him do anything except standing around looking pretty with the buns on his head. He's Chinese Buns to me."

"Just wait until he fights then. You'll be amazed."

"Guess what I'm thinking right now."

"Um.. you're thinking that Kuroobi will whip out some dim sum and fight with it?"

"Close but not quite. I was thinking that he'll let his hair out of the buns and start whipping his hair to 'fight'."

"I'm glad that I haven't got your… your-ness."

"I'm craving dumplings now."

* * *

"Oh come on! This is such a scandal!"

"Scandals usually go this way. That's why if they are revealed, they're called a scandal."

"I thought the police in this are supposed to be all uptight and all 'Justice!' and whatnot."

"Reality show, babe. It's gotta be real too."

"So are you saying that all the police are shitty and can be bought off?"

"What can I say? I can be bought off with a good donut too."

"You eat too much donuts. Your gut is sticking out."

"Donuts are good. You just can't deny their goodness."

* * *

"How the hell do you fight with fake teeth?"

"If it's pointy and hurts, you can fight with it."

"Yeah, but they're _holding_ the fake teeth. Isn't that gross? Like aren't they touching the gums and all?"

"…I've never really thought of it like that. I thought it was really cool that they fought with sharp teeth instead of things like guns and all."

"I think I'm officially dubbed as your 'thoughts-ruin-er'."

"You were already dubbed that when you ruined all my childhood fairytales for me."

"No. That was me being the 'childhood-ruin-er'. I've leveled up here."

* * *

"Does the community realize that strangers are fighting Arlong and his groupies for them? I mean, don't they find it strange? And like, be suspicious of them?"

"Why?"

"Well, because Arlong practically came and threatened all of them to give him money to start a company. And he was a stranger. Don't they think that Luffy's going to do that too?"

"…No? Because they know he's a good guy?"

"He's on the wrong side of the law."

"Stop poking plot-holes in the show."

* * *

"Yosaku and Johnny pretty much did nothing. Did you notice that?"

"They cried at Nojiko's story. And Zoro used their swords."

"Pretty much nothing. Lazy bastards."

"I can't actually disagree with that."

* * *

"Yes! YES! Luffy's finally on the wanted list. He's finally recognized as a criminal."

"300,000 beli. Not bad for a rookie."

"Beli?"

"Oh, come on! All this time you've been watching this, don't tell me you still don't know the fake currency they use in the show."

"First time I've heard of this 'beli'. How much is 1 beli?"

"… I don't know."

…

…

"I'm waiting. This is what Google is for."

"You were waiting for _that_?"

"You're the one with the phone. Mine broke because of the brat with the softball, remember?"

"I still can't believe you _didn't_ yell at him."

"I actually threw the softball back at him. Nearly hit him in the head."

"_That_, I can believe."

* * *

_I have no idea what I just wrote. I got lazy writing Johnny and Yosaku so yeah. The charas sorta got a career change. Or a gender change. Something. And because I was lazy to change the currency. I feel like this is just poking plot-holes in One Piece. I'm actually just going to focus more on my other story and write this when I want to write something else. _

_Thanks for reading and hoped you liked it!_

_By the way, Nami and Arlong is just gross. No offense if anyone ACTUALLY likes it. _


	7. The Friendzone and Luffy's Cuteness

"Get the fuck out, bitch! Zoro's paired up with Sanji! And Cabji! And a whole bunch of other guys! But not you, you 'please' bitch!"

"Hey, hey! Stop throwing popcorn at the screen. It's not going to hit Tashigi. Give her a rest. She's not trying to steal Zoro, if that's what you're thinking… Though no one's _with_ Zoro."

"I just can't help it! She's… just not suited for him."

"I thought she was pretty nice. I mean, they both have the sword thing going on. And Zoro actually sorta listened to her. And of course, the fact that she looks like his dead friend. It's like fate!"

"Um, first of all. Creepy that she looks like his dead friend. Second of all, she's so… weak-willed. You don't say 'please' to random strangers."

"Actually you do. It's called being nice, which is clearly a concept that you weren't taught when you were younger. Besides, it's cute, stuttering and stumbling around."

"You mean making a fool out of yourself in front of a hottie?"

*Sigh* "You know, I have no idea why we're discussing this. I mean, the show's not even focused on intimate relationships."

"You're right. It's seems… somehow like they're all in the friendzone. _Oh my God_. It's a show where they just friendzoned each other and never get a relationship with another."

"Except for Sanji. He's trying to climb out of the Mariana's Trench-sized hole of friendzone that the director made for everyone."

"A moment of silence for a lost brother."

"…you're a girl."

"Hush. Silence for a lost brother."

…

…

"Stop throwing popcorn! I thought it was 'a moment of silence for our lost brother'?"

"I can't help it! She can't find her own glasses. That are right on top of her head! What is she, a grandma?"

"This sort of proves my point of Zoro and Tashigi. Zoro gets lost even with someone leading by the hand and Tashigi can't find things that are right in her hands. They're sort of perfect."

"Not."

* * *

"Holy shit. Smoker is _smoking_."

"Uh, that's probably why they call him Smoker. 'Cause he smoke cigars?"

"No, no. I meant he is _smoking_ hot. That is one fine ass, man!"

"Oh.

"Really wish he'd stop smoking those cigars though. They're filled with tar, nicotine, tobacco and pretty much everything bad. They blacken your lungs and can cause lung or oral cancer, you know. But then, it _does_ makes him look cool."

"Wow. That was… I didn't know it was possible to compliment someone and geek out at the same time."

"Shut up. He's hot."

"That he is... Wait. Don't tell me. You paired him up with someone, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes! Guess who."

"Do I even need to? Zoro."

"Nope!"

"…Holy shit! Who?!"

"Luffy!"

"…ew. What the hell? Smoker's like… 20 years older than him!"

"Oh come on! Age is just a number. Besides it's cut the way he calls him 'Smokey' and they're all on opposite sides and what not. It's like… forbidden love."

"I _knew_ I shouldn't have let you read all those romance fantasy books. Did you forget the part where Smoker's trying to _kill_ Luffy?"

"Psh. No one will kill Luffy. He's too cute."

* * *

"NO! FUCK!"

"What was that you were saying about no one being able to kill Luffy because he's too cute?"

"Clowns don't count as people! Stop trying to execute him, dammit you big nose!"

"What happened to I hate clowns so much that I can't speak?"

"Hon, there's this thing called anger. It's quite an amazing emotion. Makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do."

"Ugh. I'm just… just no. I'm not going to say anything anymore."

* * *

"HOLY MOTHER OF FAT COWS! He just… he just got hit by lightning!"

"They, Barney, they. There's two of them."

"Yeah but we don't really care about the clown, do we? It's all about Luffy here."

"Clowns are people too!"

"STOP TRYING TO TAKE THEIR SIDE! YOU GOT CORRUPTED BY RED NOSE HERE! - I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Calm your tits! I'm not taking anyone's side. They – I mean _Luffy_ got struck by lightning!"

"Yes. He should be burnt to a crisp. Or manically laughing and having electrical discharge from his body. He should be _affected_ in some way."

"Some people are just really lucky that way."

* * *

"Whoa. _Whoa_. Who the fuck is this guy?"

"That's… I actually don't know."

"Why the hell is he saving Luffy? I mean, not that I have anything against that but…"

"He looks like a bad guy that saved him only to torture him later on?"

"Yeah, that."

* * *

"I'm sure he's not so bad… maybe he's a really nice guy. People with tattoos can be nice."

"They don't even show his face! That just screams 'BAD!'"

"Maybe he's Luffy guardian angel."

"Pfft, yeah right. Luffy has the face of an angel and all, but even I can't deny that he's on the wrong side of the law."

"Law has nothing to do with angels. Your actions do."

"Whatever, philosophical man."

"Woman."

* * *

"Yes! Another Mihawk appearance!"

"You're like… addicted to that guy…"

"What can I say? Who can deny a guy like that?"

"It's his hat isn't it, you hat fetish freak!"

"Maybe."

"Who's the other guy? The red haired drunk off his butt."

"That's Shanks, which you'd known if you'd watched every episode instead of going clubbing with the others on Friday."

"Geez, it was only one day. What are you, my mom? Besides, I knew you'd tell me about it later."

"I'm not going to tell you about it anymore."

"Fine, then I'll just stream it online later.

"Piracy."

"Yes, because _everyo_ne follows the rules."

* * *

_A little bit of ZoTash bashing (I have nothing against them though) and a little bit of SmoLu. I'm a little dry on ideas on this one. I think I'll go freestyle instead of following arc by arc. _

_I liked the friendzone part. You know it's true. I have no idea what to say about Dragon... and of course, Mihawk's just awesome. And so is Shanks. _

_Thanks for reviewing and tell me what you think!_


	8. Leather Purse's Great Feat and Boobs

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"It's her choice! Well, forced choice, but the point is, you can't really solve it easily by just breaking up with him."

"But… but! Crocodile? Hook? What is she? Some kind of Peter Pan fan?"

"Well, she _did_ tried to break up with him, so no, I don't think she's a fan of the Hook get up."

"She should've known better than to just start dating a drug lord. I mean, past experience and all, you know."

"It was because of her past that she had to start dating him, you know. He liked her tits, she gets protection. It's a deal."

"Still, you'd think she'd start being more cautious. Especially after those encounters with the traffickers and small-fry mafia bosses."

"It was probably a rushed deal. She probably had the government on her heels when she joined Baroque Works."

"Still… she couldn't have chosen some other guy. Not Mr.1, or even Mr. 5. Just had to go for the top, didn't she?"

"Well, Mr. 1 and Mr. 5 already had partners to work with and they weren't really interested in… okay so they were totally into her figure. But it's not like they can dump the other and start partnering with Robin. Plus, the alpha gets to pick first, you know."

"Ugh. When you say it like that, it makes her seem more… pitiful. Like she didn't get herself into this shit."

"She _is._ And she tried to quit. Crocodile just wouldn't let her. Who'd know that a cold, heartless drug lord could fall in love with a cunning historian?"

"You just made me dry heave with those words."

"Oh, come on. It's kind of sweet. I mean, it's kind of like… the Beauty and the Beast, in some way."

"Yeah, except Beauty didn't develop Stockholm Syndrome for the Beast. And the Beast is still somewhat twisted."

* * *

"I still can't get over the fact that Robin went for t_his_ guy. He's over 40! And she's a young 28 year old!"

"One word. Money. Well, two words. Money and protection."

"That's three."

"Nuh-uh! 'And' doesn't count."

"Yeah, only in your messed up brain it doesn't."

"I disagree with you. You have a messier brain."

"Still, he's got that slicked hair, giant scar, hook, _fur coat_. How could anyone go for a guy like him?"

"He's pretty powerful. I mean, he's got that knowledge about poison. And the cigar's kind of cool. And he's crazy strong and sort of works for the government."

"Wait, what?"

"You didn't know? Crocodile's like Mihawk. He's on the wrong side of the law but works with the government. Sort of."

"No, no. I knew that. That's why he got away so many activities in the drug ring. Duh. I meant the cigar part. _You think his cigar's cool?_"

"Honestly, of all the things. Where is your common sense?" *Sigh* "Yes, I did say that."

"No way! His is not cool! His is… old… Smoker's is waaay cooler. He smokes _two_ cigars."

"What are you, a child?" *High pitched voice* "Oh he has two so he's way cooler!"

"I'm just saying!"

"Smoker is Smoker. Crocodile is Crocodile. They're both cool in their own way, in my opinion."

"Smoker is _smoking_. Crocodile is the deep shit gunk at the bottom of the pool."

"You should really stop with that pun."

"What pun?"

"Smoker smoking pun."

"But he is! And does! Works both ways because he's hot and smokes. And it's awesome!"

"This is coming from a girl who thinks that Crocodile is not cool."

"He's not."

"He's mature cool. I wouldn't expect you to understand. Mature is not a concept grasped easily by brains like yours trapped in 23 year old bodies."

"22!"

"Your birthday's up in about a week. I'd say you're 23."

"Ugh. Don't remind me! I'm becoming an old maid!"

* * *

"Nefertari? Is she of Egyptian descent? And if she is, why is she so… white and why the blue hair?"

"…first of all, racist. Second, you've seen everyone's hair colors and you're still questioning why they're blue or pink?"

"Can't help it. It's in my nature."

"What is? Racism or questioning everything?"

"Maybe both."

* * *

"You know, I'm not really getting the plot here."

"Basically, Vivi infiltrated the drug ring and found out that Crocodile is the leader, or Mr. 0. And that he's working in her mansion and is planning to kill Cobra, her father, and get the money."

"Oh. That's kind of like the Kuro, Kaya, Usopp plot."

"No it's not. It's different. Kuro was just a gang leader. Crocodile is a drug lord with connections in the government. And Crocodile is planning on framing Cobra as the bad guy who does fraud and stuff."

"Yeah… totally not the same because Kuro didn't totally plan to frame someone else and get all the money and property just like Crocodile…"

"This plot's more complicated."

"Speaking of plots, I've noticed that most of the women in the show have huge plots."

"Huh?"

"_Huge plots_."

"Really? You're a girl and you're looking at their boobs?"

"Hey, I'm just going to say this. Boobs and asses are nice to look at on a good figure. I don't exactly play on both fields but I can still appreciate them like I can appreciate abs and biceps."

"Yeah, you totally don't play on both fields… And the fact that you made out with Michelle back in 11th grade totally supports it."

"That was an experiment. You gotta make sure about your sexuality, in which case, Michelle found out that she just likes guys, though I was, and still am, one _hell_ of a kisser. I, on the other hand, found out that I don't really mind."

"So – "

"What I'm trying to say is, the show's got huge titties in it. I'm pretty sure that the one with the smallest plots is… Tashigi. You can't really see her breasts under that coat and unflattering shirt."

"What…"

"Seriously though, where are they finding these women? The Kardashian Big Breasted Women Playboy House?"

"It's Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion, not the Kardashians… And Tashigi does have boobs… I'll show you. I think she comes later in the arc."

"Mmmhmm. Right."

* * *

"Holy crap. He is _haawt_! And I don't mean just because he's a pyro."

"I have to agree on you with this one. Ace _is_ pretty hot."

"I can't believe Luffy has a brother and didn't let it slip out through all the episodes."

"Luffy's the type of guy to live in the present, not the past. It's not that surprising that he doesn't talk about him."

"Past. Past usually means that someone is dead. Is Ace dead? Do I see Ace dead? No! So he should've talked about the dude sometime!"

"….you're mad about the fact Luffy didn't hinted about Ace before?"

"YES! If he had, Ace could've gotten with Smoker a long time ago!"

"In your mind…"

"Oh come on! Did you not see the fight? Smoke and fire! They're, like, perfect for each other!"

"I thought you wanted Smoker with Luffy?"

"…that was before."

* * *

"Wait, Vivi has a boyfriend?"

"Not really… it's… more of forbidden love since they're like… servant and mistress."

"Do they even know that Cobra would've been fine with their relationship? I mean, it's not really like he's going to object if they love each other."

"I think it's sweet that Kohza thought about her safety and decided to keep their relationship a secret."

"It's idiotic. Why would you go through the trouble of keeping something a secret though you _don't _need to keep it a secret? Doesn't that give you more stress?"

"It's like a sweet Romeo and Juliet story! Don't ruin it like you did with Kaya and Usopp."

* * *

"Wow. That's a hell lot of … awesome pets?"

"There's only… 3… types."

"But there's a lot of crocodiles in here. Like… a hell lot. Crocodile must have a crocodile fetish…"

"No, he doesn't."

"Robin has an awesome pet."

"_Bought_ by Crocodile."

"She must old things then. Just like how she likes her guys… Man, that turtle is _massive_. I wonder how much Croc-man bought it for. It must be ancient."

"Yeah. Wait, did you just say 'old, just like how she likes her guys?'"

"Maybe. Why couldn't Vivi have a much more awesome pet? I mean, a _duck_? Why a duck? What can you to with a duck?"

"Ducks are cute. Their quacks don't echo."

"That's a lie, you know. Quacks _can_ echo."

"You! You see this?"

"Why are you on the internet when we have the show on? Wasn't this our rule? That you can't go online if the show was on to have bonding time?"

"See this? A llama dressed as Batman. Your argument is invalid. Ducks are cute. End of discussion."

"_Someone_ has a duck obsession."

"…look at that crab. I hope the crab comes out here and snap you in his pincers."

"You might want to do something about those sadistic tendencies. But wow, the crab's fast. He should enter the Olympics."

* * *

"Noooo! Luffy! Why don't you keep them as pets? I mean, they're _seals_. How can you deny _seals_?"

"Simple, you – "

"And they're _trained_ seals! You don't deny already _trained_ seals. That's like, denying… pizza that's been made specifically for you. It's like saying no to a cake when the baker clearly wants you to have it for _free_ and it's the most wonderful cake ever with pretty _and_ delicious icing and whip cream! You just don't say no to trained seals!"

"You're obsessed with the most random stuff."

* * *

"Daz Bones? It should be 'Dat Bone'. I mean, _damn_! He must've drunk a _lot_ of milk when he was a baby."

"I can't argue with that. He's a tough guy. Zoro could barely beat him."

"What's up with Miss. Doublefinger, though? Is she obsessed with spiders or something?"

"I don't know, she's kind of hot, you know. In that get up, I mean."

"…thought you were strictly straight?"

"Like you said, I can appreciate hotness too."

* * *

"Okama Way! I learned a new word!"

"If you wanted to learn another language, you should've gone and learned Japanese, instead of learning phrases from T.V."

"I can honestly see the logic in wanting to keep the word 'okama' in 'okama way'. I mean, 'transvestite way' just doesn't sound nice, you know."

"Bon's cool. I mean, he wears a tutu and all and have the weird duck or swan thing around him all the time but he's pretty awesome."

"He's the make-up king. Or queen, since he's a trans. He's like one of those Youtubers that can change into anyone with the power of make up."

"Too bad he refuses to change his clothes. He could've became a great cosplayer."

…

"Waah! Bon Clay! We'll never forget you!"

"Woah, woah, woah. Are you _crying_?"

"Yes! Something wrong with that? Bon Clay was so brave! And he was just so awesome with the whole fighting Hina, so that the Straw Hats could escape!"

"I never really liked Hina… who'd knew that Jango and Fullbody joined her team?"

"Jango? Is he the Count Eye guy?"

"Count Olaf and yeah."

"They allow that? Allow prisoners to join the force?"

"Kind of… Jango wasn't really that famous and they don't really know him. So I guess he's okay."

"Who the hell is Fullbody? His body doesn't look full. Not full of muscles or full of fat… he's just sort of average…"

"Fullbody was a minor guy back in Baratie. Remember? Sanji and the fight and all?"

"I remember the fight. Just not Fullbody…"

"I'm just going to say that's okay. He's not really important. He's more of a gag character."

"Oh, that's fine then."

* * *

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my number, so call me maybe. It's hard to look right, at you baaaby! But here's my number, so call me maybe!"

"Stop singing! You're so off-tune it's not even funny to us music teachers."

…

"_And_ Ace gave it to Luffy, not Smoker or whoever you paired him up with."

"You just had to ruin my debut, didn't you?"

* * *

"That is just gross. Why would she stay with him?"

"It's scientifically proven that women are more likely to start dating douchebags, idiots and the like. It's not really surprising that Valentine's dating Mr. 5. Plus they work together…"

"And another thing about Valentine. What's up with her metabolism? I mean, why is it so slow a minute then she's anorexic-thin the next?"

"Hmm.. I think it might be a condition. Maybe a disorder or something…"

"Hem-hem. I'm the nurse here. I'm pretty sure that if I would know of it."

* * *

"I just realized. This arc's characters are so based on animals."

"Huh?"

"Such eloquence coming from you."

"Wut?"

"They're all kind of named and based after animals. Like Cobra and Crocodile. Then there's Pell and Chaka who use the animal fighting style of falcon and jackal… still not quite sure how that works."

"It's simple. It's just martial arts. You know, like Muay Thai, kung fu etc."

* * *

"Holy –! Tashigi _does_ have boobs! Oh my God!"

"Why are you so surprised? Just because she doesn't wear revealing shirts like the rest of women cast doesn't mean she doesn't have boobs."

"Well, it's like 'boobs boobs boobs boobs' and then you look at Tashigi and it's like 'Whoa, what happened with her? Not enough estrogen?'"

"She actually wears a shirt that actually fits her boobs. She just changed into a tank top, okay. Her boobs were always there, you small boobs."

"Ah! What – I do not have small boobs!"

"You sure? I mean, you're pretty short… and your boobs look like an A."

"They're a B!"

* * *

"Dip-shit! Fucking motherfucker whose mother fucked a crocodile in the effing wild! You… you asshole fucker! Crocodile man-whore. Hook slut!"

*Sigh* "What's with you again?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? This show sucks!"

"Why? I though you liked it so far…"

"It's so… realistic…"

"It _is_ called a reality show."

"Goddammit. It's showing that even evil guys can win. I'm so depressed right now."

"Why? Luffy won, not Crocodile."

"Do you not see what the director has done? He's like George R.R. Martin, though we'll have to thank him because he _finally_ killed the cunt off."

"Oh, trust me. Whatever Oda Eiichiro has done, it's nothing compared to what George Martin has done."

"Can you believe that Oda – wait that's the Japanese dude's name?"

"Yeah. I thought you knew. It rolls in the credits every time we watched this."

"Does anyone actually stay or look at the credits? I mean, aside for if the music is good."

"_I_ do… sometimes… occasionally. Anyway, what did Oda do?"

"Can you believe he made the stupid leather purse climb the wall first?! Huh? Huh? Can you believe it?"

"Leather purse? What wall?"

"Yeah, Leather Purse. You know, complete with the fur coat and poison hook? Totally copied off Peter Pan's Captain Hook?"

"You mean Crocodile? Just say his name then! And what wall are you talking about?"

"The wall! The _wall_! The wall of friendzone! Leather Purse's the first one to climb over that wall into the planet Relationship! And of course, he met Robin and well, the rest was history."

"Woah."

"Woah is right! I can't believe it's not Sanji or Zoro that got over the wall! I mean, Sanji's being dropping hints to girls since _forever_. And Zoro's just a sexy piece of hunk –"

"I meant woah like _woah you're right in my face screaming about everything and nothing_."

"You're not listening to my woes. You're such a sucky therapist. No wonder your clients don't want to come around for long."

"My clients don't come around often because my sessions actually help and they don't _need_ to come around every day."

"As I was saying, Zoro's a piece of sexiness. Why aren't the girls of planet Relationship flocking to him? Why are they not accept Sanji's gentlemanly offer but instead go for mega-assholes drug lords like Leahter Purse here? Are they blind? Are they being bitches who discriminate against hot nice guys? Well?"

"Well what? I _told_ you, they both had their reasons for being in the relationship. First, Crocodile needed her abilities and well, she's hot enough to be his partner and all. Robin needed his protection and needed to join a group so that she doesn't get caught by the government. I mean, she's been wanted since… I think 8 years old…"

"That doesn't matter! Why did Robin agree to be with him?"

"She needed his power! I mean, it's sort of like how some girls stick to guys because of money."

"Still… Why does Leather Purse get to go first? And all of his gang! Baroque Works! Why do they get to jump the wall first? It's not fair! Where's the justice in that?"

"It's not really a race you know…. Girls have the right to choose who they want to date. "

"I know! But it's just so, so, _frustrating!_ Why are _they_ dating when the main characters aren't even – ugh! I can't even express it in words!"

"Would you like a diary to write down all your frustrations?"

"You! Just shut the fuck up. I need a punching bag right now… preferably with Odo what's his face's face on it."

* * *

_Yay! Huzzah! Another chapter finished! And school's coming up in... 3 days. _

_Boo. :(_

_I just tossed whatever my brain thought of in here, so you get some lesbian-ness, Crocodile jumped the hurdle (we should all be proud of him. After all, he jumped the wall that Oda created in the show. Well, it's sort of me, since I'm the one not allowing Sanji to be with his lovely ladies in this story... I'm putting the blame off to Oda.), a little bit of SmoAce, random pets and huge boobs (but seriously. I don't think I've seen tiny boobs in this show. Wait, no. I lied. Otohime's boobs are pretty small. (I just got to that part). I can't believe child Shirahoshi's boobs are bigger than her mother's...)._

_Crocodile gets the nickname Leather Purse. And I didn't really forget about the main characters of the arc. I remembered to put Ace, Smoker, Hina, Bon Clay, Mr. 1, Mr. 5, Ms. Valentine, Ms. Doublefinger and Kohza! And totally forgot about Mr. 4, Mrs. 4 (forgot her name), Mr. 3, the little tag-a-long painter girl (again, forgot her name). Almost forgot Pell and Chaka too._

_Writing this is like arguing with myself. I've convinced myself that CrocRo isn't so bad... like one of my unnamed OCs said, it'll be nice if he started liking her just for the sake of liking her, not her powers or anything. And started dating her. That'll be an interesting thought/scene/pairing. (Does anyone wanna write a scene like that? The CrocRo stories I've seen are mostly sort of filled with angst. Come one guys! Give me fluff for CrocRo.)_

_I've decided to finish up introducing the rest of the crew before I go astray with all the arcs. If you guys have any ideas about meeting Brook and Franky, feel free to tell me. I sort of have Chopper's planned out... not really... Or if you have any ideas that you want discussed between my two OCs (I should really name them), feel free to tell me. Or any pairings that you want to make happen. _

_Bon Clay is awesome! And so is Leather Purse. After writing this, I don't quite dislike him anymore. _

_Thanks for reading and hoped you liked it! Review! Even if it's just asdbkjflkasdjfgo. They make me happy! And I'm staying up too late..._


	9. A, B, Peter, D,E and the Chopper Plushie

A: "Yes, I would like one chicken burger, one vegetarian – _who the fuck put a Big Mac here?_"

B: "Me! I want that order with fries and a coke!"

A: "We're ordering Burger King, dumbass! – ah, could you hold on a second?"

B: "What? No one told me!"

C: "I told you, you idiot! But you insisted that it was McDonalds. In that case, take off my order of an Oreo Mcflurry."

A: "Oreo Mcflurry? Did you guys even – yeah, can I call you back? Thanks – listen to what I said?"

B: "You weren't clear enough."

C: "_He_ told me that we were ordering McDonalds."

A: "…what is this? The blame game? I said we're going to order from Burger King!"

B: "No way. I totally heard McDonalds in the conversation somewhere!"

A: "Because we were talking about where to order from. McDonalds was ruled out and you guys all said 'Uh-huh' when I asked if you guys wanted Burger King."

C: "Sorry, man. I'm with her on this one. I did say 'Uh-huh'."

B: "Yeah, but did you heard –"

D: "GUYS! Shut the fuck up! I have the volume as high as it can go without disturbing the neighbors but I still can't hear a thing! Watch the damn show, goddamnit! Chopper's on, you know!"

B: " – what you agreed to?"

C: "No…"

A: "I would stop arguing, but these two dunderheads won't make their order!"

C: "Don't get me involved in this. I'm watching Chopper hide the wrong way."

B: "Okay, first, you're also a part of this. Second, who hides the wrong way? How can you get hiding wrong?"

C, D: "Don't insult Chopper!"

B: "Hiding is just… staying out of sight in one spot."

A: "You guys still haven't made your order… Hey! Birthday boy! I thought we all agreed that we weren't allowed on computer!"

E: "…"

A: "And are you watching the same episode as the one on T.V.?"

E: *Take out one earbud.* "What? Yeah. You guys were too loud. I couldn't hear the thing."

D: "I told you! You guys were being too loud!"

A: "You know, you still haven't told us what kind of cake you wanted."

E: "Uh, hold on. There's a fight scene going on."

…

D: "God fucking damnit! Stupid Wapol! DIE!"

C: "Wapol reminds me of a pokemon. You know that little blue guy with a swirl on his chest?"

B: "Which one is that?"

C: "That one… The name's something like… Whirlpool?"

B: "Okay, I'm going to be honest here. I only know that hypnotist guy. Alakazak?"

*Gasps*

A: "How could you?! I thought we all agreed that Pokemon was the best game ever! And we even got the cards."

C: "First, it's Alakazam. Second, you suck."

D: "Says the one who can't even remember Poliwhirl's name."

E: "You guys are too loud. If you wanna talk about Pokemons, get out of my apartment."

A: "We can't do that. We need to celebrate your birthday!"

E:"I don't need to celebrate my birthday. I know exactly how old I am. 22 – wait, no – 23, now."

A: "See? You can't even remember. Birthdays are supposed to be celebrated."

E: "It's just a date."

A; "It is not just a date!"

….

B: "So… can we get an ice cream cake? Or is that a no?"

D: "Can't. Birthday girl's got bad teeth."

B: "What?! Oh, look at that punch."

D: "Woah. _Woah_. Stupid fat ass whirlpool did _not_ just burn that. Does he even know what it means to be in a gang?"

B: "He didn't become in a gang by choice. Undercover thing, remember? Peter, what are you doing?"

C: "Uh… I'm… nothing?"

A: "Is that… knitting needles?"

D: "Ohhoho! Guys, look what I found in his bag!"

E: "Is that… that's Chopper's hat!"

B: "…a knitted version of it."

C: "Uh… no it's not."

E: "Are you _making_ a Tony Tony Chopper plushie?"

C: "No. Totally not."

E: "You are! You totally are! When you finish, I want it."

C: "WHAT!? I worked hard on that! Do you know how long it took me to find the exact color of Chopper's hat?"

B: "Such manliness coming from you. Tell me, what color was it? Sakura pink?"

C: "YES, YES IT WAS SAKURA MOTHERFUCKING PINK! The stores nearby didn't have it! They had a horrible shade of salmon pink but not sakura pink. What is wrong with them?"

D: "Can you make me a Guard Point version of Chopper for me?"

C: "What?"

D: "You know, when he curls up in a tiny ball and his hair somehow miraculously sticks out like a porcupine. That was so cute!"

C: "No! I have to finish Chopper first. Plus, I'm running out of copper brown yarn. And I'm not giving it to you, stupid birthday."

E: "…you know, you still haven't given me my gift."

C: "None of us did! You said you didn't want gifts!"

E: "Yeah, I didn't want some shit-ass gift that you guys bought in hopes that I'll like it. However, I _do_ like that plushie. So… deal?"

C: "That's not fair!"

A: "You _did_ say that you didn't want gifts."

E: "You can't _not_ accept free stuff. I can, however, choose which free stuff you guys want to give me, instead of the traditional gifts that you guys picked out. I might not even like those gifts, you know."

B: "Does that mean you're… manipulating us?"

E: "I knew that A would've paid for the food. By the time the food arrived, none of us would have the money ready and A would've paid it out of her wallet. And I could declare that my gift. I was planning on C giving me a – *cough* something, but I want the plushie more."

C: "Hey! What were you going to make me give?"

B: "Ooh, ooh! What about me?"

A: "You don't have to sound so excited. The man's manipulating us, you know."

E: "You chose to be my friends. I was planning on getting your ass drunk and recording it. Makes great blackmail material."

B: "WHAT?!"

A: *Mutters* "Dear God, why are we still friends with this psychopath? What about D?"

E: "Oh, I just like having D around. Makes having all of you tolerable"

D: "Thanks…"

C: "That's not fair! I'm being… bullied here!"

E: "I never said I was fair. So that does mean I get the plushie?"

C: "Never! You'll never take it from me! Over my dead body. I don't care if it's your birthday."

E: "You know, I _do_ work for the government. And I'm pretty high up there. Your dead body could easily be arranged."

C: "Shit… didn't think of that."

E: "I get a new plushie, yes?"

C: "Fuck you, E, fuck you."

E: "I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

D: "Isn't this… I don't know. Child abuse or something? Give the guy a break. He's a genius at 17, attending a _medical_ university, which you know, is pretty freaking hard. _And_ he's getting bossed around by his grandmother who refuses to retire to a nice townhouse in Hawaii."

C: "Isn't that place filled with volcanoes? Like still active ones?"

B: "True but most aren't active and the place's pretty darn chill."

D: "Why is that woman making him pull a rickshaw? I mean, she's not fat or disabled. She can walk on her own!"

A: "That woman's pretty hot for a grandmother. I mean, damn look at the curves, though she _is_ an alcoholic."

E: "Is America some sort of place where only the fat and disabled people can be the ones to sit and travel? What if Kureha doesn't want to walk? Or doesn't have the energy to?"

D: "Is she has the energy to smack Chopper around like a rag doll, she has enough energy to walk on her own damn legs."

* * *

C: "Why is Nami sick? I thought money loving bitches can't catch cold."

B: "You got the phrase wrong dumbass. It's idiots can't catch cold. No wonder you rarely visit the hospital."

A: "That's all wrong. Everyone can get sick. It depends on their immune system."

B: "Stop being such a party pooper."

C: *sticks out tongue* "See? My immune system is just better than yours."

E: "I am thoroughly amused with this. All of you should know that it depends on the immune system and yet…"

B: "Are you looking down on us?"

D: "He is so looking down on you."

* * *

B: "I vote good."

C: "I vote bad."

D: "Good."

A: "Good."

E: "Good."

C: "What?! Why is everyone voting good? I vote good then."

A: "Can't. We all agreed that you can only vote once."

C: "Well, he's obviously bad. I mean, look. He's wearing all black. Ominously looking for Luffy. How is he not bad?"

D: "A lot of people wear all black. They're not all bad people."

E: "And the way he comically ran off doesn't signals that he's bad."

C: "Yes it does! He's running away. He obviously doesn't want to be caught."

B: "He was _asking_ around for Luffy; to meet him, not run away.

* * *

C: "Bad."

B: "Bad."

D: "Bad."

A: "Why are we all voting? It's so obvious that Blackbeard's bad. The guy – what's his name, Darius? – just said that he's bad."

E: "Dalton and obviously because they're all idiots."

A: "Right, Dalton. Remind me again why I'm friends with all of you? One's an idiot, one's obsessed with fiction, one's a manipulative cynic and one's _Peter_."

C: "Why do you say my name with such… Hey! You labeled all the others but not me."

A: "I did. Peter."

C: "That's not a label. That's my name."

D: "It is now. You're just so special that you get a label of your own."

B: "So, so special."

C: "Why do I hang out with you guys when I'm so obviously treated like dirt?"

E: "Less talking and more knitting. I want that plushie finished by… let's say the end of next week."

C: "I have a life! I'm not going to be able to finish it!"

E: "Right, a life. That's why Chopper's hat has perfectly made antlers attached to it. And why the antlers are identical to Chopper's favorite, right down to the little metal ring. Wonder where you get all the time for all the details?"

C: "You guys treat me worse than dirt."

B: "Wait… did A just call me an idiot?"

E: "Astute of you to notice."

* * *

A: "Wow. Won't they get caught for that?"

D: "'Cause baby you're a firework!"

E: "Shut the hell up."

D: "Make them go oh oh oh!"

C: "Like the 4th of Juuuuul – ow!"

D: "That's the wrong verse!"

C: "You didn't have to smack me that hard."

B: "Plus your singing sucked."

C: "Well, I'm sorry but no everyone was in the choir during high school."

E: "I remember. You tried to join but was tone deaf."

C: "Was not!"

E: "Provoking me like that does not work. Why? Because I'm an intelligent being, unlike you pea-brain."

A: "You can be just so… arrogant at times. Seriously though, where did they get pink fireworks? They're usually red or green."

B: "Everything can be possible with technology nowadays."

* * *

D: "Woah, woah. What the hell are those things?"

C: "Aww. Those are so cute! I want them as a pet."

B: "Idiot. One, Laphans don't exist in real life. Two, they're like… mutated flesh eating kung-fu ninja rabbits. Cool but not exactly the ideal pet."

A: "Actually, I've heard of experiments that scientists are doing on animals to give them more human characteristics and all."

D: "We are not getting it. You're kicked out if you bring one to our apartment."

C: "Hey! I help pay the rent, you know."

D: "Yeah, barely making it by the end of the month. You begged met to pay half your share twice already. And not to mention the loans you begged for because you wanted to go out."

C: "But… but… they're rabbits!"

D: "So?"

E: "You know what they remind me of? I remember back in… 2nd grade? I read a book where there was this vampire rabbit, I think. He had red eyes and I forgot what it was about… maybe he was a devil rabbit."

A: "What kind of book was that? No wonder you're all… like this."

E: "Like what?"

A: "Messed up."

E: "It's all really perspective. From one, the rest of the world is messed up and you're the sane one. From the other, you're the one who's messed up."

* * *

C: "Ahahahahaha! The D!"

B: "They want the D!"

D: "I told you, we shouldn't have gotten them drunk!"

A: "HUH? Who's drunk here?"

D: "Gaah! The angry drunk! Do something!"

E: "This is amusing, you know. Lighten up and enjoy the show."

B: "What are you going to do with the D?"

C: "Suck on it! Or maybe –"

D: "That's it. Shut the hell up."

A: "HUH? You want me to shut up? How about I shut _you_ up?"

D: "Eep! Put that down! Those are heavy! How are you lifting it up?"

E: "Don't worry. You can get your revenge later. I have this all recorded."

D: "Stop recording and help me!"

E: "Don't wanna. Good luck."

* * *

_A whole bunch of new characters came out, mostly because I was eating McDonalds one day and thought of the first scene and yeah. I actually gave a name! But didn't use it so Peter was still known as C. E turned out... weird. At first he/she (?) was going to be the logical, quiet, not really caring one but then things went astray. I have no idea what genders they are. Up to you I guess, though I've just been using he/she randomly. D was supposed to be a Chopper obsessed person and B was suppose to support him/her but he/she turned out to be more normal. A turned out more of what I had in mind; the logical realist. C/Peter's C/Peter. There's just no words for it. He's like that one idiotic friend that we all have. _

_This obviously should've gone before the Alabasta one since Ace was just mentioned in this and appeared in Alabasta but oh well. My brain seems to think Robin joined the crew first before Chopper. Maybe because we saw her first? Idk. _

_I honestly forgot the lyrics of the song Firework. I only remember tidbits and can't remember which order they came from. A lot of characters are missing and I probably should've wrote something about Hiruluk but I got lazy. All the scenes are pretty vague... Last chapter was better. _

_Think that's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading and hoped you liked it. _


End file.
